Pilot Relationships

In this rapidly changing economy, we are constantly being inundated with negative press about “how bad it is out there”, and the reality of the housing market and the stock market supports this statement. However, much of your stress is self created by how you think. For example, you look at your most recent statement on your 401K. Do you spend time thinking about how mad you are at this? How you’ve worked X amount of years, and now look where you are. Do you calculate the loss over and over again? You wonder…what if the economy doesn’t recover in the next 2 or 3 years, then where will I be? What if I lose everything? What if my company goes under? What will I do? I will probably lose my home, my spouse, …who will hire me? If all the pilots are out of work, how will I complete for a job? And on and on…

And now for the good news…you can change how you feel by changing how you think. So what?..you ask. If you lower your stress levels, you have more energy to think clearly and make better decisions. Plus you are easier to live with so your relationships improve. Also, reduced stress levels in your body lead to better overall health.

You can lower your stress by taking a few simple actions. First, whenever you hear your self say or think “what if” …..STOP that thought.

It will only lead to anxiety. “What if” thinking is something that is not happening now. It is about the future and not in your immediate control. Second, ask yourself, “Is there any action I need to take now?” If so, move into action. If not, focus on something you do have control over. You will hear me repeat over and over, “Whatever you focus on grows.” Finally, think about what you are grateful for. Counting your blessings keeps life in perspective. Once a day, think of 5 things you are grateful for. You will begin to see these things expand in your life!

1.Competitive Attitude. Pilots tend to be competitive and usually don’t work too well in teams. Again, this will get you in trouble in your relationship. As a couple, you can learn to be your partner’s safe harbor…us against the world. Being happy is better than being right.

2. Put Downs. Another form of disrespect is the need to put your partner down, to keep her in her place. This often comes from a fear of being overshadowed by your partner’s success. It shows up as teasing, name calling, or sarcasm. It also shows up by being overly pessimistic and attributing her success to luck or chance instead of effort and accomplishment.

3. Negativity. I have met some seriously grumpy pilots! And some seriously negative spouses/partners. Who wants to be with someone who is always looking for what is wrong, always critical, pessimistic? In the cockpit you have to be a critical thinker but at home it doesn’t work. I tell people in my office to “focus on what you want, not what you don’t want. Whatever you focus on grows. If you want more of what you are thinking about or talking about, keep it up. If you don’t, change your thoughts and words. Focus on what you want.” I know things are tough out there, but try to find a way not to bring the stress from the job home. I’ll be offering an online class on stress management soon.

4. Playing Games. Creating drama in a relationship is a diversion technique. Some couples go from crisis to crisis and avoid having to look at the core issues or solve problems in the relationship. This is the stick shaker or warning signal that as a couple, you need help. And remember, marriage counseling does not have to be reported at your medical. Just make sure your provider does not give you a diagnosis. Prior to your first counseling session, talk to your provider about your concerns with diagnosis.

I hope you will avoid these communication busters and improve your relationship. For specific help on Conflict Resolution Skills, you can check out my e-book.

My goal in writing this blog is to assist you in handling the unique lifestyle you have chosen in the airline industry. The time schedules, communication challenges, the “pilot personality”, furloughs & mergers can all add stress to an already stressful life. I will be offering tips for handling these topics and plan to share one of the best stress reduction strategies…..humor. Laughter can help keep things in perspective and help us not take ourselves so seriously. My hope is that you will share humorous stories or inspirational stories. Maybe we will come up with our own Chicken Soup for the Airline Family’s Soul.

Check back often to get updates. Also, please feel free to request any topic that is of interest to you.