Pilot Relationships

1.Competitive Attitude. Pilots tend to be competitive and usually don’t work too well in teams. Again, this will get you in trouble in your relationship. As a couple, you can learn to be your partner’s safe harbor…us against the world. Being happy is better than being right.

2. Put Downs. Another form of disrespect is the need to put your partner down, to keep her in her place. This often comes from a fear of being overshadowed by your partner’s success. It shows up as teasing, name calling, or sarcasm. It also shows up by being overly pessimistic and attributing her success to luck or chance instead of effort and accomplishment.

3. Negativity. I have met some seriously grumpy pilots! And some seriously negative spouses/partners. Who wants to be with someone who is always looking for what is wrong, always critical, pessimistic? In the cockpit you have to be a critical thinker but at home it doesn’t work. I tell people in my office to “focus on what you want, not what you don’t want. Whatever you focus on grows. If you want more of what you are thinking about or talking about, keep it up. If you don’t, change your thoughts and words. Focus on what you want.” I know things are tough out there, but try to find a way not to bring the stress from the job home. I’ll be offering an online class on stress management soon.

4. Playing Games. Creating drama in a relationship is a diversion technique. Some couples go from crisis to crisis and avoid having to look at the core issues or solve problems in the relationship. This is the stick shaker or warning signal that as a couple, you need help. And remember, marriage counseling does not have to be reported at your medical. Just make sure your provider does not give you a diagnosis. Prior to your first counseling session, talk to your provider about your concerns with diagnosis.

I hope you will avoid these communication busters and improve your relationship. For specific help on Conflict Resolution Skills, you can check out my e-book.